Official Website of Author Jason Beymer

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

101-Word Stupor -- Splenda in the Glass

Keywords: Gobble, Milk, September

It's a cold September morning, and the barista fills your personalized Lady Gaga mug with coffee. I hate you. Oh, yeah, hi. Smile and nod. No. Not the daily ritual… Don't cozy up to the condiment station like a goddamned chemist. Just pour the milk and—Stop shaking the Splenda packet! You've loosened the granules enough. Rip the packet open and—Stop it! Why do you keep doing that? No, don't gobble up your scone now. Jesus. Chew once in a—Stop it! I notice a guy staring at me, typing on his laptop. Hey! Is he blogging about—Stop it!

Keyword preview for tomorrow: umbrella, inebriated, carousel 



    August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month, which really has nothing to do with September, except that it happens to be the month prior. But August is also Cataract Awareness, Children’s Eye Health & Safety, Eye Injury Prevention, Immunization Awareness, Medic Alert, Pain Awareness, Psoriasis Awareness, and Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness Month. Who the hell knew? And does anyone really care? Because for 30 days we can all feign enough interest, gobble up the mass distribution of regurgitated info, and allow La Leche League to preach from their breast-vs-bottled milk soapbox, but then it’s another month. And what was the point?

  2. Damn, Jo Anna. Got some oomph behind that one. I like it!