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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

101-Word Stupor -- Salt Lick

Keywords: Bagel, Optometrist, District

Life sucks. One minute you're fleeing the Hand of God, the next you're a pillar of salt. I'd turned to check out the fun bags on Lot's wife, caught a glimpse of the city and Bam! Salt. Now the wind blows through the woman's salted face;  It takes her nose and eyes until her head looks like a bagel.  I think they were siblings, but I don't judge. I'm from Sodom after all; middle-class district. Optometrist, married to three goats, a horse named Wilma, a de-toothed camel and— Uh-oh. Stay away from me Wilma. Stop licking your lips. Crap. Life sucks. 

Keyword Preview for Tomorrow: Clarinet, Wrestling, Eskimo 


  1. “Optometrist” Joe calls out from his worn down Barcalounger, then cringes when the contestant decides to spin again.

    “Don’t forget you need to be at the district office at noon tomorrow. Don’t want to be late for your luncheon.”

    “Dammit Mary! I am trying to watch this show!”

    “I am just reminding you. Don’t want you to be late for your retirement luncheon. I am going to get a bagel. Do you want anything from the kitchen?”

    “No, Dammit!! Quit talking over the TV!”

    Joe watches the wheel spin when he hears a plate crash, followed by a loud thud.


  2. Nice one, Brian. Let's see what you can do with Clarinet and Eskimo...

  3. You are seriously planning an eternity in purgatory, aren't you?

    Ok, so here's mine:


    When I walked into her office, I should’ve known what to expect. But she came highly recommended by four friends who I would definitely let buy my lingerie in the dark. “I. M. URS, OPTOMETRIST,” read the goldleaf letters on the beveled glass door. I rolled my eyes, cursed my BFFs under my breath, shoved the bagel in my mouth, and gently squeezed the tacky brass handle. The room was heavily incensed, almost as much as I was, and if I wasn’t already positive that I was nowhere near the red light district, the pow-chicka-wow-wow décor almost certainly belied that truth.

  4. "The room was heavily incensed, almost as much as I was..." Awesome. I woke up to this while trying to wedge my eyes open this morning. Laughed a lot.