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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Drunken Thoughts - When Bears Attack

• A Michael Jackson sighting can be fascinating. You never know if you'll find him dangling a baby from a balcony, dancing on top of a Chevy or hitting the local post office dressed as Spiderman. This time, however, he was caught by photographers while shopping in Bahrain - dressed in women's clothes.
For some reason this is big news. This is controversial. Big news? Controversy? So what? Hell, I remember when his boob fell out during the Superbowl Halftime Show a few years ago. THAT was controversy.

• Is it safe to eat spinach again? After the outbreak of E.Coli I'm afraid to eat anything that comes out of the ground. E.Coli laced spinach. What a world. 

Noted spinach aficionado, Popeye the Sailorman, had this to say: "I ain'ts goin' near no poisoned spinach. If Olive's wants to keep Bluto from rapin' her, she better learns to carry a can of mace ands a whistle...(unintelligible mumbling..)"

•So the new fall TV season has started. Here's my Top 5:
1) Lost - Still the best show on TV.
2) Battlestar Galactica - Enough with the Iraq war comparisons. I get it already. Please don't spoil a great show by standing on a soapbox. The last thing I want is for the producers to turn this awesome series into West Wing Galactica.
3) South Park - The Warcraft episode was funny, but in an uncomfortable sort of way. This is exactly how I interact with others while playing the game.
The 9/11 episode = Brilliant. I actually know people that believe 9/11 was a government hoax. This made the episode even funnier.
4) Smith - I know. I know. But I liked it, okay?
5) Friday Night Lights
Conspicuously absent from the list is Heroes. The acting is terrible, and it feels like a sad copy of Lost, but I can't stop watching. I love comic books, and I'm hoping the writing and acting improve. If the producers are reading this, please heed my advice:
a) Get rid of the blonde. I'm not talking about the cheerleader. Get rid of the single mom, Nicky, who keeps blanking out and killing people. The storyline is WEAK. Speed it up it or pull a "Chuck Cunningham" and make her disappear. As viewers, we'll accept it and move on.
b) Take your time! The secret to Lost's success is that they delve into every character while telling a very intricate story. They try to focus on one character per episode. You guys are trying to show too many characters at once and you keep throwing in stupid "Shock" endings. Enough! Just tell a story, flesh out the characters and appeal to viewers that don't have Attention Deficit Disorder.

Jericho may be the worst thing on TV right now. Whenever I watch it, I smell stool burning. How this piece of steaming crap got picked up while Smith got cancelled, I'll never know.

• In Idaho, a black bear picked the wrong family to eat for dinner. During a family BBQ, one of the kids suddenly screamed "Bear! Bear!" as it tore through the fence and attacked.

One of the women grabbed all the kids and threw them into the house as the bear growled and destroyed the screen door. Before the bear could make it into the house, the woman grabbed a gun, fired twice and killed it instantly.
Unfortunately, the bear didn't know that this woman had a valid "Bear Hunting" tag. His mistake was a fatal one. Now, if he'd attacked in San Francisco instead of Idaho, he may have had a better chance. In San Francisco, that tag has a whole other meaning...


  1. I saw MJ in Vegas. Not in concert but walking through Caesar's Palace with his coverd up children and posse of law enforcement. Sad really. He actually looks worse in real life. Go figure.

    I keep watching Heroes too. The acting does suck but I'm a comic geek and The Cartoon Network didn't bring back Justice League Unlimited. I needs my fix.

  2. Maybe you should do a new serial called "Marginal Heroes" and base it on a WoW guild.

  3. I'm enjoying Heroes, but I agree with you that it's a wannabe Lost and not as good. The last couple of weeks seem to have gotten a little better. Glom told me they got a new writer or something. There are too many characters per episode.

    I also agree with the Battlestar/Iraq parallels. It was clever at first, but then it became far from subtle and started to get annoying.