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Monday, July 17, 2006

Drunken Thoughts - Boo

  • MLB Commissioner Bud Selig addressed the current drug policy: "One reason fans are pouring into ballparks is they think we care and we're doing something about it."

    No, Bud. We know you don't care and we know you're not doing anything about it. The reason fans are still pouring into the seats is because they don't care. I do, but when I watch a sea of fans at the ballpark give Barry Beef-Roid a standing ovation, I realize that I'm in the minority. You're not going to do anything about it because:
    1) It's not profitable to get rid of the 'roids
    2) You're lazy.
    3) You're incompetent.

    Oh, and nice appearance at the All-Star game. So brave of you to approach the podium at home plate with the widow of Roberto Clemente. Like anyone's going to boo you while you're arm in arm with Roberto Clemente's widow. Shmuck. I'm going to spend the next month camped out in front of your home with a bullhorn. You can't miss me...I'll be the fat guy pissing on your lawn and yelling "Boooo".

  • I watched the Tyra Banks show on Wednesday night. She was preaching about how disgusting the "Girls Gone Wild" DVDs are and how they exploit women. While she moaned, I did a quick Google search on Tyra+Banks. Results:
    Nude, Nude, Nude and more Nude. If you're going to climb on top of that soapbox, sweetheart, you'd better cover up those melons first.

  • Paging Edison Force. Edison Force to the local video store please. How does a movie with stars like Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey and Justin Timberlake flop so badly that it debuts in a video store? Wait...Justin Timberlake? Scratch that. I just figured it out.

    This is Justin Timberlake's first dramatic role in a major motion picture - unless you count Southland Tales where he played an Iraq war vet. Yes, you read that correctly. I wonder who he beat out for the role of "Grizzled Iraq War Vet"? Cory Haim? Lance Bass?

    If you head over to Blockbuster right now, I'll bet there's still a copy of Edison Force on the shelf. It might be hard to find since it's wedged between 80 copies of Date Movie and Failure to Launch, but don't give up hope. I'm sure they shipped at least two copies to your local Blockbuster store.

  • 52 year old supermodel, Christie Brinkley, split with her fourth husband. Have you seen recent pictures of her? She still looks young. Four husbands later, I'm starting to get suspicious. Has she been walking the earth for the past 2000 years and keeping a low profile? Like that Twilight Zone episode where the guy keeps remarrying because he outlives all of his wives. Maybe?

    If Billy Joel is reading this, I'm sure he just sat forward in his rocker, pulled out his teeth and said, "I fucking knew it!"

    In about 200 years, Christie will break up with husband number 47, and marry Dick Clark.
  • 1 comment:

    1. I think he would have had to put IN his teeth to say "fucking".