With the exception of the AVN awards, Comic-Con is my favorite annual social event. And since I couldn't plan our family vacation around Inari Vachs and Miko Tan, Comic-Con was the next best thing.
300 Days Ago
This pivotal conversation with my wife occurred over dinner one night.
WIFE - We should go on a family vacation next summer.
ME - Yep. Hmm. Where should we go?
WIFE - Someplace easy, since we'll be carrying around a two year old baby.
ME - Hmm. How about San Diego? They've got a zoo, lots of water, Seaworld, Lego Land...
WIFE - (Suspiciously) Maybe...
ME - ...great weather, nice restaurants...
WIFE - When do you want to go?
ME - Oh, I don't know..(pausing. Not sure how long to pause... Don't want wife to get suspicious. If I pause too long she'll figure out -)
WIFE - Why aren't you saying anything?
ME - Just off the top of my head, maybe July 19 through the 23rd?
WIFE - You fat bastard.
Journey to Con
"See, it's a vacation for her, too." I said. This only made things worse. I might as well have taken her behind the shed with a shotgun like at the end of Old Yeller.
Once I settled into my aisle seat, I was treated to some guy struggling to get his luggage on the rack above me while boring his crotch into my face like I just paid him twenty dollars for a lap dance. I don't remember much else - something in his crotch poked me in the eye and temporarily blinded me, causing all further memories to repress.
Comic-Con Bus Shuttle
There was a 500 pound guy sitting in front of us. I smirked, pointed, and whispered some clever remark to my wife. She grabbed my spare tire and jiggled it. Point taken.
One of the shuttle passengers was giving this guy so much shit, I kept waiting for the Storm Trooper to shoot him like an uppity Ewok.
"Dude," the guy said, "You should go down to the lobby in your costume, tie a towel around your waist, and complain that there's no hot water in your shower."
I don't know why, but I found this so damned funny that I was crying. Funnier still was the fact that the Storm Trooper didn't get the joke. "I don't think Storm Troopers take showers in their uniforms." He said. Nice comeback. And I don't think Storm Troopers live in their mother's basement either. So put your helmet back on, dude.
After the Con
Vacation verdict = Sweet Awesomeness. Hopefully I will be back in San Diego next July.