If you would like to join my cult - "The Church of the Hot Chicks and Overweight, Shiftless yet Opinionated Anti-Social Males" - please contact me. Just a reminder that you must obey my three basic rules:
Rule #1 - All your wife are belong to me.
Rule #2 - During their Period, females must be quarantined in the room marked "No Entry." If they choose, they can be moved to a much nicer room marked "Entrance in Rear Only."
Rule #3 - I am your Leader and, henceforth, you may refer to me as either:
a) "Bishop Sexy McHot"
b) "The Reverend Ten-Finger Mordechai Johnson"
C) "Only person on the compound with a penis."
After the children ate the cookies laced with ex-lax and got sick, the mother was arrested and charged with assault.
Here's an excerpt from this mother's soon to be released book titled "101 Tips on how to Make Friends in Second Grade."
Chapter 12 - Love Advice - The Magic Milk Method: Slip some ruffies into a cute second-grader's milk at lunch. When she falls asleep, pimp her out to the boys in your class for Twinkies and Ho-Hos. You'll be the most popular kid at school.
Kevin's Thoughts - "Okay let's see. Moonpies, check. Wild Turkey, check. Marborlos, check. Condoms, hmm. Nah. Doesn't feel the same with condoms on. Besides, if I knock her up again, maybe she won't divorce me. Yee-Haw! I haven't had this much sex since I negotiated my recording contract..."
Britney's Thoughts - "Hmm, he's not going to buy any of those funny balloons. What are they called again? Comdrums? Besides, if he knocks me up again, maybe he won't divorce me. Yee-Haw! I haven't had this much sex since I drank all that "Magic Milk" in second grade..."