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Monday, March 6, 2006

Weekly Thoughts - Week of 2/27/06

  • In the NBA, the wife of Utah Jazz player Andrei Kirilenko gave her husband the golden ticket. Ladies, this woman has found the answer to keeping your man in check - let your husband have sex with as many girls as he wants.
    Kirilenko's wife spoke to the Utah media "If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza', what does he want more than anything? Pizza. So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have. If I know about it, it's not cheating." That's funny, when my wife says "No sex, no sex, no sex." What do I want more than anything? Pizza.

    If you are shocked at the idea of letting your husband have multiple partners, let me remind you once again - Utah.

  • On "Dancing With the Stars" Jerry Rice has been surprising everybody with his dance moves. Who knew that he was such a great ballroom dancer? After he and his partner performed a fantastic dance routine and received a thunderous round of applause, he picked her up and spiked her.

  • At the Academy Awards, Reese Witherspoon won the Oscar for Best Actress. Part of her acceptance speech: "I'm just trying to matter and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody." Well said, Reese. Don't give into the Hollywood trap of making movies just for financial gain. Sorry you didn't get the Oscar for Little Nicky, Sweet Home Alabama or Legally Blonde 2.

  • I'm tired of seeing Saddam Hussein in a 3-piece suit, smirking at the camera in the courtroom. How is this guy still alive? Why doesn't someone slip a little arsenic in his food or set up an "Accident" in the shower? Get on with it already.

    I'd love to see the next President of the United States stand up on Inauguration Day after being sworn in and say to the audience "Thank you. I swear to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America and all that other crap. But first things first. Todd, can you get on the horn to Iraq and tell the guards to shank Saddam while he's sleeping? Good. Bob, go kill Castro and get me the paperwork to annex Cuba. And get me a Jack and coke, would ya sweetheart? Easy on the coke. Thanks, babe."

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