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Monday, March 13, 2006

Drunken Thoughts - Week of 3/6/06

  • Barbra Streisand blasted President Bush on her website this week. She wrote a scathing article, calling Bush a "C Student." Unfortunately for her, the article criticizing Bush's intelligence was littered with spelling and grammatical errors. After the Drudge Report exposed this "D Student" for what she was, Barbra (who can't even spell her own name right) blamed her Webmaster for the errors. She claimed the article was fine when she sent it to him, but that he re-typed it, misspelled the words, then posted it on the website without proof-reading.
    That's the wurst exkuse I half ever herd. Try agin, ewe lying bich!

  • I love the "Biggest Loser" on NBC. I only have one problem with the show: It makes me hungry. My stomach rumbles while I watch the contestants pass up all that good food. The host of the show, Caroline Rhea, appears to agree with me. Is she eating all the food that the contestants keep passing up?

    Caroline, here's some advice. The producers of a weight loss show don't want the host giving encouragement while wearing a Moo-Moo. Unless they're using the "Sally Struthers Strategy", - Put starving person next to fat chick to make them appear 100 pound lighter - then you'd better seek help. I would ask your old co-star Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, what her secret was. I can give you a hint: 1) Eat food, 2) put finger in mouth 3) eject food. Now THERE'S a reality show I'd watch.

  • Boston Red Sox Pitcher David Wells said that a) Barry Bonds should come clean and b) Bud Selig should resign. Yes and Yes. Can I add a C, David? c) Shut your hole and play baseball.

  • A 75 year old woman wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers ski mask held up a bank in West Mifflin, Pennsylvania. No, it wasn't Kordell Stewart. It was some old broad named Marilyn Divine that wanted to "help people who are starving to death and nobody cares about them." In other words, people like Kordell Stewart.

  • After McDonalds revealed that their french fries were pretty much straight poison a few weeks ago, I vowed not to eat anymore. Last night, I broke my vow (2 weeks, a new record!). They don't taste like Poison. They taste like Delicious.
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